don’t be ashamed of your story.

Before I post things about my mental illness, I worry & debate a lot on whether or not I should post them.

Over the years, I’ve had people say some cruel things. They say I’m only posting those things for attention, that I’m full of myself, etc.

I have had depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphic disorder my entire life. I was officially diagnosed with depression & anxiety earlier on, but it wasn’t till I was about 16 that I was diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder.

When I was diagnosed with these “mental illnesses,” part of me was incredibly ashamed. I thought a man would never love me, that people would think I was faking it, or think I was “crazy”.

I was in a Creative Writing class in high school, which ended up being an amazing outlet for me, & kept me from ending my life.

I would write anything & everything down; every thought, heartache, desire to hurt myself, wish to die to end the pain.

Sometimes we’d put our desks in a circle & share out writings in class. I remember sharing about my mental illnesses to a class full of people I barely knew.

It was difficult. I was shaking. I cried. But I never looked back.

I’ve shared my experiences, thoughts, & feelings with friends, family, in college classes, & now with all of you.

From a young age, my greatest desire, hope & dream has been to help people who are like me; people who know the pain & suffering of mental illness. I wish, with everything in me, that I could somehow reach out to everyone in the world to help them. Hear them. Hug them. Love them.

It may sound weird, but I seriously have sooo much love for everyone. I don’t know how to explain it. People I don’t know, people I see when I’m out & about, people I see in the National Geographic magazines, in new stories, people I’ll never meet, even people who I have never seen their faces — I just know they exist somewhere & I love them soooo stinking much.

Sometimes I’ll see someone at a store & wonder if they’re happy, & I’ll literally have to hold back tears because I’m so worried they aren’t happy.

I’ll read & hear news stories, see pictures of people suffering in the world, & I’ll weep. I pray to God to love them & watch over them for me.

Hopefully this doesn’t sound crazy or over-dramatic or something. My wish is to make a difference in someone’s life, not to make people pity me, or think I’m seeking attention because I share my story.

Anyway, I love you all with allllll my heart.  ❤

Together, we can fight this. We can conquer what feels absolutely impossible.

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2 thoughts on “don’t be ashamed of your story.

  1. When we write stories it is desire of our burning heart which could be fulfilled with pen down .. have patience love yourself first and believe in GOD .
    Jain SHRI KRISHNA

    Like

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