“It makes you feel more than most people. Which is why you also hurt more than most people.” – My sister, Katy.
My mind is sooo jumbled & racing right now. But I have been wanting to do a post about this for a few months now, so I’m going to do my best.
I feel my feelings. Deeply.
I see an elderly person and sometimes literally cry – I just feeeel all the feels. I feel worried for them – are they happy? Do they have people to help them in life? Etc, etc, etc.
I can’t really read or watch the news because of all the sad things that happen around the world – it feels crippling to try to carry the weight of the world.
I wish I could take it from them. The pain, hunger, sadness, fear, the suffering – all of it.
Sometimes I will ask a family member or a close friend to reassure me that people are okay & happy. Complete strangers – I just need to hear that they are okay.
I feel everything sooo, so deeply.
Part of me is sooo grateful for this. I love having empathy in the sense that I can feel so deeply for others & I’m very caring and loving.
I’ve been this way my entire life – probably a lot of it because of my depression, anxiety, etc. I was always incredibly shy & kept to myself in school. But I did my best to look out for those whom I thought were silently suffering.
During my high school years, I would spend my lunch hour in the hallways, sitting with kids that were new, or ones that didn’t “fit in” with everyone else, etc.
However, empathy does make living difficult.
Sometimes I feel…paralyzed. Yes, paralyzed is a perfect word for it.
Sometimes things are so precious, or tragic, that it literally makes me want to die. Like, I feel like I CANNOT live. It feels too much to bear.
It’s sooo hard to explain, and I really don’t know how to put it into words exactly.
But, moving on….
Have you ever heard of “mirror neurons?”
I hadn’t until my sister, Katy, told me about them.
Our text conversation went as follows:
“Mariah, you are SO sweet. You have such powerful mirroring neurons…it amazes me!” — Katy.
*googles mirroring neurons* “So, like…empathy, basically?” — Me.
“Yeah! But it means that the empathy is physically built into your brain. That’s why it’s so hard for you to not absorb the suffering of others. Because of your mirroring neurons.” — Katy.
“So, I was born that way? Or learned it?” — Me.
“Born that way. But the more you use them, the stronger they are reinforced. It makes you feel more than most people. Which is why you also hurt more than most people.”
HOW FREAKING COOL/INTERESTING?!
I just feel blessed. Whether I was born this way, or learned it, or both, I don’t like to imagine the type of person I would be otherwise.
As always, I love you all dearly.
I pray for you all & am so proud of each of you. ❤
P.s. Here is an interesting article on Mirror Neurons: