Last night I cut myself. It was the first time in probably 2 months or so. I’m literally always sad, but some things had happened that brought me to an incredibly low, & dark place.
I sat on my bedroom floor sobbing, as I cut my arm with a razor blade.
In the moment, it gives a sense of euphoria. You are more concentrated on the physical pain & blood than on your emotional & mental pains.
But, even in the moment, I regretted it. I regretted it, but I kept cutting. I would cut, & make a fist with my hand so I could see the blood run out.
I cut because I felt completely and utterly alone, helpless, & hopeless.
We’ve probably all felt that way at some point in our lives; maybe some more often than others.
But, you guys, I should not have done that. I’m certainly not proud of it. I feel pathetic, embarrassed, & ashamed.
I just hope you all know there is always a better outlet. Honestly, I wanted so badly to go to the gym & run till my legs gave out. But I recently had surgery & can’t work out for another 2 weeks.
Cutting and self-harm is NEVER the answer. Same with suicide. I feel suicidal often. Like, very often. But, I also know it’s not the answer to my problems.
I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH!! Please know that! And please, please come to me if you ever feel like self-harm or suicide is your way out.
I am here for you. I promise there is hope for you. ❤ And I’m still trying to convince myself of that, so I hear you. 😉