a case of the tuesdays…oh wait, every day. – august 12th, 2014

Get ready for random ramblings…
For the past few weeks I’ve felt very overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, and I feel like tonight it’s all coming to a head.

Sometimes I don’t even know how to describe to people why I feel sad. That’s kind of how I am now.

Hearing about suicides is not the best thing for me because it makes it all the more real to me, all the more doable. I was so sad to hear about Robin Williams and how he took his own life. Whenever I hear about a suicide, I wish so badly I could have been there for that person somehow, could’ve talked them out of it; let them know it’s okay, I know how they feel, that I can help them get through it.

I just force myself to think “Suicide is NOT an option.” I simply cannot allow myself to believe that it is a way out, or that it is “okay” to do that. I can’t allow myself to think that way, because then I’d do it.

I feel like I want to go for a drive, roll the windows down, listen to music and escape life. Sometimes when I need a good cry I’ll do that.

My heart aches for Robin Williams. My heart aches for his family and loved ones. It aches because I feel like I know, at least to some extent, what he was going through, what he was feeling. I have wanted to take my own life so many times. It’s an all-consuming feeling, and it’s almost like, for me at least, the world goes black (figuratively and literally) and you truly aren’t thinking correctly. It’s like you aren’t capable of a hopeful thought; you feel like it really is the end of the world and that there is no way things could possibly get better.

All I can do when I feel sad like this, is pray. Pray my little heart out. I reach out for my Father in Heaven’s love, help and comfort. I pray for myself and I pray for the world. I pray for people who are suffering, in whatever manner. I do this because the things that are going on in the world make my heart ache. My mom just mentioned a story to me about a girl who was accidentally killed and I sat there trying not to cry, but I did! It is hard on me to be so sensitive to these things.

I hate how evil the world is. I hate that people have such hard problems. So I pray for them. That’s really all we can do sometimes, don’t you think?

I pray for women who are raped and abused, children who are hungry and homeless, people without running water. I pray for those who are in war; those fighting for us and those fighting against us. I pray for kids in school who are bullied, I pray for the bullies to be kind.

I just feel so incredibly overwhelmed with all the sorrow that there is in the world, that I feel like I maybe need to try focusing more on the good.

Sorry for my ramblings.

What are some things you do when you feel down? Suggestions welcome!

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