triumph over shyness. – august 23rd, 2015

When I was about 16 years old, I was going through an especially rough time with my depression and anxiety. I would feel suicidal fairly often and just wasn’t coping well.

I was excused from high school for several months so I could attend a program called Teenscope at the University of Utah. (Now all my high school peers will know where I was all that time when I said I was “sick”. Haha).

I was soooo nervous to go to this program, but it ended up being very, very good for me in many ways. It was like I was in some sort of emotional schooling…for 7-8 hours, 5 days a week. This program works with your school so that you don’t get behind in your studies – it’s really awesome. There was like one hour of each day at Teenscope where all the other kids and I would go sit at our desks and work on our “normal” schoolwork. Then we’d go right back to hours upon hours of hardcore therapy! Haha, it was so interesting. I would definitely recommend this to adolescents.

Anyway….I had some truly amazing psychiatrists and psychologists who worked with me there. My mother and I were given some great advice and truly eye-opening insight into my depression and anxiety by these specialists.

Now, getting to this book. Sadly, I have a reallyyy terrible memory, so I don’t remember this, but my mom said that one of my psychologists (that we really liked) had told us to read this book and said “It will change your life”. So, now my mom’s making me read it! Haha.

Sometimes I have a hard time reading books because I get kinda antsy (once again….thanks to my anxiety), but I was thinking I might do some blog posts on stuff I learn from this book. J

P.s. I hope you all don’t mind that I share this stuff. Honestly, I’m not proud of having depression and anxiety. In fact, I feel really ashamed of it sometimes. I hate feeling sad, hopeless and ugly so often, and I hate that it holds me back from social settings and being confident in myself. But, guess what, it’s not curable. Heavenly Father has given us each our own set of trials in life, and I think these are mine.

I won’t lie, every single day is rough. Some days are better than others. But, I would like to believe that I’ll get through this. WE can get through this, guys. I share things like this from my life in hopes of helping others. I know it sounds cheesy and over-used (and I have a hard time believing it sometimes), but YOU ARE TRULY NOT ALONE.

Don’t give up. We can get through this, together. J

Much love. Xo


P.s. This is so random, but it just came to my mind and I wanted to share.

One thing that was so amazing to me, and that I really appreciated, was that when I went back to high school after those few months, my teachers were SO sweet and understanding! It was so amazing. They had been informed on my situation, so that I could be excused from being in class for that time. After knowing what I was going through, when I got back, several of them pulled me aside after class to tell me that I could go to them to talk at anytime if I needed.

Ugh! People are so amazing! Haha 🙂 That’s the other thing about depression (or any mental illness), you NEVER know how much someone is suffering, because you can’t physically see it from the outside.

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