baby jayden & the moment i decided what i want to do in my life.

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So, I’m the type of person who tells my friends and family that I love them…a lot. I just want them to know, and I like to be reminded in return. I don’t think it’s possible for you to say ‘I love you’ too much to people you care about. Unless you’re like a creeper, then yes, that is too much. Stop that.

In December of 2013, my sister, Jessica, and her husband, Jeremy, when to court to officially adopt their beautiful baby boy, Jayden. Many members of both sides of the families went to the courthouse to support them, and to share in the happiness of this event.

I remember feeling terrified. I had never been in a courtroom before, and I was scared I would even look at the judge the wrong way! Haha. So the whole time, I just sat up straight, looked straight ahead, listened, and tried not to look suspicious in any way.

I noticed the judge was mostly solemn-faced for the whole hearing, but she did seem to have a very slight smile on her face at times. I was so curious to know what was going on in her head.

I’m sure the judge had many other things to attend to that day, but at the end of the hearing, she took a few minutes to say some stuff. She smiled, and was saying how happy it made her to see us all there, supporting Jessica, Jeremy, Elliyah (their daughter), and their new son…Jayden.

Sadly, I have a really, really terrible memory. But, I will never forget what the judge said that day. She said she doesn’t think it’s possible for a child to have too many adults who care about him.

I loved that. She said it much more eloquently than that, but it was also straightforward and seemed matter-of-fact. I loved it.

No one can ever have too many people who love them.

I’ve been incredibly blessed to have an amazing family. When I think about or hear stories about children, spouses, etc. who are abused, neglected and whatnot, it seriously breaks my heart.

I don’t even know them, but when I think of the terrible things people go through, it often brings me to tears. Everyone deserves and needs to be loved!

 

Oh my gosh, this post is turning into another ramble with many tangents…haha, I apologize.

 

This is the kind of thing that motivates me to help people. It’s difficult to express or explain, but I literally love everyone so much. And I want people to be happy.

I remember so vividly the moment I decided what I wanted to do as a career. I was in high school, sitting in class, writing about how I was feeling. I was feeling incredibly sad – which was honestly normal, but it was probably a particularly hard day.

I remember looking up from my notebook, I was on the verge of tears, and I thought to myself, ‘If I’m not happy, I want to help other people be happy’.

Just thinking about this gets me emotional. It’s hard for me to read my past writings and remember how completely and overwhemlmingly sad I was.

I think what makes me so passionate about wanting to help others, is that I have been there.am there. I have felt the absolutely lowest of the lows, I’ve wanted to end my life numerous times, I’ve craved nothing more than to be ‘freed’, in a sense, from what I feel – from the emotional turmoil.

That’s why I want to help people. It breaks my heart to think of other people feeling this way. And, if I can do anything to help prevent and/or repair the wounds people get from that sadness, I want to do it.

 

Agh. I am so sorry that my posts go from one thought to another! Haha. I really am not the best writer and my mind races, so sometimes I just have to get things out before I lose my train of thought.

 

 

Love you all. Thanks for reading.

You’re amazing! Don’t give up.

 

xoxo

 

 

2 thoughts on “baby jayden & the moment i decided what i want to do in my life.

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